


It's not the cocaine

by soccerbot



Category: David Bowie (Musician)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 22:30:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6726043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soccerbot/pseuds/soccerbot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Random Drabble. Meant to written in a confusing way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's not the cocaine

**Author's Note:**

> Don't really like this just clearning some memory

"If you take that. I will leave David. No more second chances." She stood arms folded behind him in his house. He sneered and began to move the drugs around on the mirror before gulping what was left his beer. 

"Leave then. I don't need you." She stormed across the room yanking his orange hair round to look to force him to look at her. 

"You choose this shit! You see what you've done! You're a joke. A self fulfilling prophecy joke!" She spat at him. "You're not some tortured artist. You're not a duke. You're not a rockstar. You're a fucking junkie looser and I hate you." Her tears spilling down her cheeks freely. 

"No, you don't. You don't hate me. That's why you haven't left. You love this lifestyle." David spoke calmly and it unnerved her. "You love being this martyr, being my muse, you need to be needed." 

"I hate what you've become. I don't love whatever this is anymore. You aren't a nice man anymore. If you want to stop and you put in the effort, I will support you."

"See you'll always stay." He looked down and smirked. She released the tight grip on his hair and kissed his cheek. David leant down and snorted the first line. "All I have to do is to promise I'll stop."

"No, I won't stay. I'll support you but I am not going to stay." She kissed his cheek again. "Goodbye David."

"Whatever. I'll see you when you come crawling back."

"No David. I'm going home." He watched her pull out a packed suitcase and her passport. 

"You can't leave. I need you." He begged her pathetically. The drugs caused him to have wild moods swing. Evil man to lonely boy in a minute. "Please, I'll cut down. Just stay tonight." David dropped to his knees blocking the door, hugging her thigh and kissing the fabric of her jeans. 

"No. You'll be fine. You've made your choice. You want drugs and drink more than anything. Goodbye." Her tears had stopped as she pulled the door open. His small frame made him easy to move from her. He wasn't the muscular man she had once known. 

He collapsed into tears and screamed for her. She had been his support system but now it was time to leave. She had always stopped before but it was time. She couldn't stay and watch him kill himself any more. 

Her feet felt like lead as she began to walk down the hall. 

Without her care he didn't eat, didn't sleep didn't do anything worth while. He drank, took drugs and slept with as many women as he could but never in their bed. 'This will teach her. She left me so I'll die' he thought to himself before moving his face against the mirror. He looked back at his reflection. Every bone on his body stuck out and pulled at the skin. His muscle was gone, he was just bones. His eyes bleary and red rings around around them. 

"I'm tired." He whispered and moved to the bed. 

Slowly he cut down his intake. He began to walk the city during the day and took to constantly writing in his pocket notebook. 

He walked to her work after 6 months, hoping to catch a glimpse. She was outside, she was perfect as ever. After three months he picked up the courage to speak to her but before he could cross the street a guy walked over and pulled her into a tight hug. She lit up seeing him. She used to look at David that way. It shouldn't be this way. She should be crawling into his bed after work, telling him about her day and asking about his. David should be pressing his lips to her ear and singing his new song ideas. 

"And you. You can be mean.   
And I. I'll drink all the time." He scribbled in his notebook leaving a few blank lines.   
"Cause we're lovers and that is a fact."  
"Oh nothing. Nothing could keep us together."

The new couple where turning to look at David. He pushed the book closed and smiled at her across the road, she raised a single hand in reply. He looked for the other and it was still around the guy. 

His fears confirmed he looked down instantly saddened. She really did leave. 

To her, David looked better. His pale skin and bright hair never allowed him to look healthy but at least he had gained a little weight. 

She wondered to how long he's been watching her. How long had he been following her around the city. How had he known she wasn't gone fully. 

"Hi..." He spoke softly to her when she crossed alone to see him. 

"Hello." She tried to raise a smile. "You're looking better."

"Thanks. I'm doing much better." He tapped his fingers on his arms resisting the urge to pull her close and cry about how bad the year had been. Why had she left him when he so deeply needed her. "I'm sorry. I have to go." He turned on his heel and began speed walking down the busy street. 

"He's just a friend." She said but he didn't hear. 

Seeing him had confirmed what people had told her that he was quitting drugs. Slowly finding himself again. He had called her multiple times but not for about 6 months. She knew he wasn't dead because the news would report it. 

"Please! I'm dying! I need you! They're taking me!" He had screamed at her down the phone 

"No they're not David. You're fine." She tried to not let him hear her crying. 

"Why won't you help me?" He sobbed. "I need you! Please help me!"

It broke her heart listening to him cry in a paranoid fit. "Please, just come for a night. Please, I need you to help me. I can't trust anyone else. You promised me. You promised you'd be here if I ever needed you and I need you now. They're going to hurt me!" And she fulfilled her promise, listening to him for hours exhausted her. The drugs stopped him sleeping so it could go on for days. 

She used to sing gently to him to calm him when she was there but without being able to press her body to his and hold him she couldn't stop him from screaming. 

"Please come back. I need you. Please. I'm scared without you." He whispered. 

Those nights where worst than being there. Hearing him panic was horrible, to put the phone down she thought would drive him to an act of stupidity. It ripped her apart more than watching him slowly descent into his addiction knowing he was alone. 

"I love you. Please." He spoke in cracked voice. 

"I know. I love you too. Please go to sleep David. You need to sleep. You'll feel better after a sleep."

He was sure the drugs where distorting his dreams. So vividly he could feel her. Feel her under him writhing in pleasure, screaming in pain for his rough touch or just rubbing his sore and itchy body. Was it her or another girl. A dream or reality. All he knew was if she was there he always woke up alone or with a hang on girl encourage his use. 

"I need a break. Can I have some space?" He asked the band and lit another cigarette. Another few weeks passed and he was in the studio again but as the early morning hours came upon him he decided to go home. 

 

"Hello." David heard a voice from behind him. He rubbed his sore eyes. The night was upon them and the only light was from the reading light he had above his bed. "David?" 

She padded softly through the apartment she once resided in. It wasn't clean or dirty. Nothing suspicious was on the counter tops. Trinkets all smashed in the corner by David that horrible night where now glued back together and placed where she left them. Photos all bunched together on one shelf so he could avoid the eyes of the people smiling at him. 

When she saw him it was better than before. He was again face down on the bed. Naked body feeling the chill around him and soft music playing. 

"David?" He rolled over to see who it was. "You're clean?"

"Yes." He whispered sure it was an illusion of her standing there. She said nothing but stripped off her clothes and moved under the covers but turned her back to him. "Can I hold you?" He asked feeling suddenly nervous. 

"Yes." Feeling her skin was better than speaking. He could feel her solid, steady heartbeat in her neck. 

"I miss you quite dreadfully. I wish this where real." 

"It is real."

"It's not. I'm dreaming. You hate me. I can't believe I fucked up so badly."

"I'm here now. Feel me." Slowly she took his hands and ran them over her body, "You feel my heartbeat." She put a hand to her chest. "You feel my breathing." Pulling his other to rest on her lips, feeling breath pass over it. 

"I do feel it but it's not real. I've felt you before. I feel you around me. I feel you hold me. The drugs- they made you here, keeping me hooked thinking you where here."

"I am here now though. No drugs."

"No drugs." He repeated as she kissed his hands. 

He had kissed her neck, feeling the soft skin on his thin lips.

"I want you..." He whispered. "I need you. I need you so very badly. I can feel you under me when I dream. I can feel your breasts in my hands, the way you arch and how your jaw feels under my hand when I fuck you that hard or we are in public and I need you to be quiet. I can feel your legs around me when we're softly fucking. Feel every inch of myself buried in you and the way you kiss me, touch my chest and milk my cock inside you."

She moaned, arching against him. He continued to whisper now grinding himself on her. "I couldn't hear you though. I couldn't hear you scream my name. I could feel your lips moving on mine. Feel them moaning, your eye lashes tickling my skin. Your nails in my back. I love that. I love when you grab me and fuck me back. Did you think of me when you touched yourself?"

He pulled her hand down with his to feel her pussy, rubbing soft circles over her lips. 

"Well did you? I would wake up in the morning all flustered. Even now when or if I dream. They aren't so vivid as before or now but I wake up every morning covered in my own cum or so hard and frustrated you weren't under the covers touching or sucking me." 

"I am here David. You're awake. This is real." She kissed his palm again. "You feel that?"

"Yes, but it's not true. I miss you most during the night." He moved his hands back to her waist. "I miss you're protective arm when I sleep. I miss you telling me stories. I miss you listening to me. No one cares like you care. Like you cared." He corrected himself, sending a pang of guilt to her heart. "Loosing you was more torture than kicking the drugs. I would rather pack up my bag and disappear with you to start a family than any of this. I've worked for nothing and it's all my own doing. My body hurts constantly, I itched my skin raw. I wish you where here to help me clean then cuts and rub that cream on my back like you did when I got sunburn. It helped me." He pressed his face into her back. "I am sorry. That's what I'd tell you if you where her. That I'm sorry." He began to cry softly. "I'm sorry for what I did, what I did to you. I'm sorry I gave myself this addiction. I'm sorry I fucked it up so much. I'm sorry I pushed you so far. I'm sorry I hate you for leaving me most." He cried himself to sleep. 

He woke the next morning in cold sweats. The dreams where back and worse than ever. To his memory it wasn't even full sex last night. Just apologising constantly, kissing every inch of her and crying. 

"Fuck." He whispered to himself and reached for his cigarettes. His hands shook as the lit the tip. One large lungful and he relaxed back into the bed and rubbed at his eyes. 

"I'm so sorry." He heard a whisper next to him as a body shifted to lay in his lap. 

"It wasn't a dream?" It wasn't a dream

"No." She smiled softly at him as he tangled his fingers in her soft hair. "I'm sorry. It was hard to go. Don't think I left because I didn't love you or care about you." Tears came to her eyes 

"I know. You don't have to tell me. Why are you here?" She sat up and pulled the cover over her breasts suddenly self conscious. 

"Why? Do you want me to leave?" She turned her back to him and gathered her clothes from the floor. 

"No. Why would I want you to leave? Do you want to leave? Did I do something last night?" David touched her arm. "Talk to me. Please. I'll listen now. I didn't listen to you for far too long." She smiled and looked down.

"You're very a lovely man."

"No I'm not." His gaze fell to the same spot as hers. They looked up together, a small laugh shared between them. "I want you to marry me."

"What?" 

"If you stay, I'm going to marry you. This isn't a proposal but I want you to know what I want. I'm done wasting my life and time now."


End file.
